Saturday, January 17th, 2009

To Uninspire a Nation

The Constitution Center in Philly is asking people to come up with six words that Pres. Obama should add to his inaugural address. Mr. Obama will face a crowd of millions, with tens — if not hundreds — of millions more watching on TV, and apparently the Center thought he could use some help…and they could use some publicity…

Putting words in his mouth is a tricky proposition, and I think it might be helpful to feel out the borders of good taste for the Constitution Center people. You know, a touchstone they could test against for appropriateness.

So, some six word phrases that shouldn’t be in the inaugural address:

  • I will devour your filthy souls
  • Damn, its brisk out here, people!
  • Hopeity, bopeity, shmopeity, blah blah blah
  • Wait, women can vote for president?
  • You get a car…and you
  • I will grow a Lincoln beard
  • Can I get a wave going?
  • Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani, just kidding
  • My new ranch in Crawford, Texas
  • You get a bailout…and you
  • But first, hold hands and sing
  • Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Obama R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn
  • Everyone, hold hands and concentrate…LIFT!!!
  • Pass the plate, please, the deficit…
  • I really am a Secret Muslim
  • It really isn’t a great job
  • Build, build, build my golden idol

Please suggest some more. And I will immediately ask Obama not to include them in his speech.