Step 1: Toss Brian in. Step 2: Get the {bleep} out of there. Why I don’t go in the water…

Even I admit that it would be fairly cool to get a 6-foot shark on the line while fishing. Even in a fairly dinky boat.

What wouldn’t be cool is to still be in said dinky boat when a 14-foot shark comes along and eats the first one, nearly swamping the S.S. Dinky in the process.

What is even less cool–like heat death of the universe cool–would be one of my companions actively chumming the water. Said companion would get a nudge shark-ward, giving me time to get the engine going.

Pardon the cussing. Its not my video, but it is my nightmare.

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Quick Observation: Savvy or luck in PR? Friendly Planet Travel does disproportionately well in national press.

I find my wee, weird suburban borough pops up in the news in unexpected ways, mostly dealing with Renee Zellwegger sightings (no, I’m not even going to bother to try and spell check that). The owners of Friendly Planet Travel in Jenkintown must be doing something right.

So far, in the last few months, they’ve been named in stories in USA Today and the New York Times, a feat I have been unable to match in my dayjob, sadly. They’re written by two different people, which nixes my theory that they came from the same freelancer. Maybe both writers live locally, which may explain, at least, why the NYTimes writer also mentioned a travel agency

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Giving up on the idea of growth

NPR’s Planet Money posted an interesting story of how Youngstown, Ohio is dealing with its shrinking population after the close of its steel mills: its giving up.

It isn’t shutting its doors and moving to Pittsburgh, not like it would find many mills there. No, its giving up on finding new schemes to entice industry to Youngstown and, instead, consolidating. That is, they are bulldozing entire neighborhoods, not piecemeal like they do in Philadelphia, they are figuring out where the abandoned houses are, and then helping the remaining neighbors move out as well.

My knee-jerk reaction is that, yes, Philly should do it too. And, I guess that is my reaction. However, yesterday the news came out that Philly’s population actually grew the last census cycle…in fact, we’ve retaken #5! A minor miracle. Scratch that, a major miracle. A whopping 9.4 percent growth. Whoa.

Still, Philly could use a Youngstown-style reorganization. When Mayor Street began bulldozing abandoned houses in earnest, it turned whole neighborhoods into wastelands. Where once there’d be an entire block of rowhomes, now you see two, maybe three solitary homes, their sides a windowless expanse of stucco, like they were amputated. Inevitably, these homes fall two. I’ve witnessed it slowly progress that way over the last ten years, just on my morning train commute.

It worked like cancer. First one house would become abandoned, then its neighbors, until only two or three occupied houses remained. The abandoned houses would then rot, decay, catch fire or be broken into by kids or druggies or duggie kids. Then the city would come out to knock down the abandoned houses, leaving the block looking empty and gap-toothed like a carney’s smile.

So, there’s reasons for both Youngstown and Philly to celebrate. Youngstown is going to circle the wagons and probably will be better off for it. Philly is booming. Whether it can overcome its baser instincts and be the world-class city it could and should be is another question.

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Why I don’t go into the water: Stealth Orcas

At sea, nobody can hear them swimming. Actually, this is very cool. A neat article on how orcas hunt in stealth mode at the Beeb.

Killer whales Orcas are one of my daughter’s many, many favorite animals. In fact, I don’t use “killer whales” anymore thanks to her goading.

Still, let’s not fool ourselves, they are apex predators and you, all fat and stuffed into a wet suit, are pretty much just an oddly rubber-tasting seal moments away from a bloodly, wet devourment*.

The researchers thought the predators might switch to very high frequency whistles to co-ordinate the hunt.
But the orcas actually go completely silent and are somehow still able to form organised hunting groups.

They used hydrophones – underwater microphones – to listen to and record orcas communicating with each other. The team could even hear crunching sounds when the animals were eating their prey.

Go ahead and listen at the article. Pretty awesome, actually.

File this under Things I Didn’t Know (and germane to the article’s point), but scientists believe that there may be two sub-species of orca. One “resident” species that primarily eat fish and a “transient” species that favor seal meat…mmmm…

Resident orcas hunt for salmon using echolocation. The orcas click, producing waves of sound that travel through the water and bounce off the fish, allowing the predator to sense its location.
“But all marine mammals have excellent underwater hearing,” explained Dr Deecke.
“If if a killer whale swam along clicking like mad, all the seals and porpoises would think – here comes a predators, let’s get away.”
But the transient orcas’ solution surprised the researchers.
“They go into stealth mode – completely silent,” said Dr Deecke. “This raises the question: how are they communicating?”
It seems that orcas can carry out complex, co-ordinated mammal-hunting trips without “talking to each other” at all.

That’s pretty sweet…but I’m still not going in the water with them

(Lastly, kudos for the BBC for linking to the source publication.)

*Turns out Devourment is a death metal band from Texas. No word on whether they sing about orcas.

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Why I don’t go in the water: Crab Kong

Crab Kong does not have as catchy of a name as the crab it replaced, Crabzilla, but it appears to be bigger, weighing in at 15kg.

Disappointingly, the article press release doesn’t tell us what species of giant icky monster this, but the Japanese variety can weigh upward of 19kg, which would be truly worth of a kaiju-riffic name like Crabzilla or Crab Kong. I think it is also why Gamera isn’t as popular a kaiju as Godzilla. You can’t add -amera to something and conjure up something giant and menacing.

Regardless, it is reason enough not to go into the water.

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List of things I need to do over winter break UPDATED

It begins with Christmas Eve and ends the day after the day after New Year’s. In between, there will be a trip to Goodwill…hopefully to drop off…

I think this is better than some vague resolution, here is a set of accomplishable goals for the winter break:

UPDATE: Hit or miss all around

Bathroom:
Caulk the tub and fixtures
Tighten the faucet
Touch up the scratchmarks on the #$*@*@ IKEA sink.

UPDATE: didn’t really get to it, but I will caulk and tighten this weekend, I swear. My, that sounds dirty.

Bedroom:
Exorcise the closet and dressers of lingering ghosts of years past
Maybe go to #$*@*@ IKEA to get a little bookcase.

UPDATE: Success! I exorcised the HELL out of that closet. Goodwill dump of epic proportions.

Living room/dining room/ kids’ bedroom:

Find a “Storage Solution” for the kids’ crappe

UPDATE: Partial success! Some more storage bins, and a purge of unused baby toys, seemed to have made a difference.

Office:
Purge cables
Scan kids’ artwork, photos, etc.
Get a #$*@*@ IKEA rug to replace my wife’s coffee-stained horror of an office rug.
Make the pilfered laptop kid-friendly, i.e., find some free XP software for the kiddies, and (dare I say it) lose the Bondi Blue iMac.

UPDATE: Well, we cleaned the office.

Attic:
Purge, Purge, Purge. They’ll need to make an after-school special about me to warn kids off…

UPDATE: Qualified success! Another trip to Goodwill.

Kitchen:

Scrub those cabinets and that #$*@*@ floor…maybe look into a new floor…to be done by someone else.

UPDATE: Everything cleaned, but that never lasts…

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Why I don’t go into the water: Jellyfish with both “medusa” and “gigantica” in their Latin names should be avoided on principle

I’ve seen a lot of pics of giant Jellyfish lately, mostly these Nomura’s jellyfish who inhabit the Sea of Japan like Godzilla’s own colon polyps. I fear them, of course, but I admit to cheering for them as they sank a Japanese trawler last year…nobody was hurt.

But looking up info on oarfish, I came across Mark Benfield‘s work at Louisiana State University. He’s working with oil and gas industry ROVs — submersible robots — to study wildlife. Hey, its the least the industry could do. No, seriously, the very least.

Last spring, Benfield published the first account of Stygiomedusa gigantea, a giant jellyfish, in the Gulf of Mexico. They aren’t trawler-eating big, but they are still fairly huge. They are apparently fond of grabbing onto underwater structures — such as pipelines or oil rigs — to use as a base for feeding. See, the oil industry is providing a valuable service!

Discover Magazine interviewed Benfield last month. Cool, shudder-inducing vid:

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Why I don’t go in the water: the Oarfish of the ocean depths

We’ve seen a bunch [where bunch = 2] of news about dead oarfish lately, so I wanted to show you what a living one looks like. This past March, LSU scientist Mark Benfield released a video showing a live oarfish in its habitat, which is apparently underwater and NOT on a beach or in iced-filled trough.

The awesomely named Serpent Project — a painfully labored acronym “Scientific and Environmental ROV Partnership using Existing iNdustrial Technology” lets scientists use ROVs run by oil and gas companies in the gulf. The fossil fuel industry in the Gulf of Mexico didn’t quite have the best spring and summer, evah!, so it is understandable that this didn’t get much press. Also, its about a long, disgusting fish monster.

Still, someone took Dr. Mark’s video and set it to Holst’s Neptune the Mystic, which is as appropriate as it is satisfying.

These guys can grow up to 56 feet long, which is frighteningly impressive.

Also, Dr. Mark also captured footage of a ginormous pulsating jellyfish that ought to put the fear of Cthulhu into you, if nothing else does. Next post.

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Archer takes down plesiosaur

Well, “takes down” as in jots down where he found it.

Pretty cool picture, though.

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Don’t go on the beach: Malibu Oarfish

The Los Angeles Times features a much, much better looking example of a washed-up oarfish than the one I linked to a while back.

Dead

Kid, don't poke the oarfish.

Its the latest accessory for your Malibu Barbie, a dead 12-foot fish. Pretty fins though.

Still, much better than having one of these guys brush between your legs while you’re in the water.

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