Why I don’t go in the water: giant death tadpoles

I’m too lazy to look it up at the moment, but I’m going to assume that the hadal zone gets its name for Hades, the underworld. Hell.

It is literally the crushing depths, about 6,000-11,000 meters, and certainly hellish, indeed. A couple of years ago, one group from the University of Aberdeen sent some probes down to see what’s shaking. (Called HADEEP, short for hadal deep, which is kind of an obvious name, really, but the whole thing is genius, read the blogs from their expeditions here and here, good fun.) One of their discoveries was this species of snailfish, pseudoliparis amblystomopsis, the second-deepest species of fish ever recorded.

Scientists from the expedition described them as “surprisingly cute.”

And they are cute. A cuddly species of fish that look like giant tadpoles. How adorable. Oh look! Here’s a group of them frolicking on the ocean floor.

Except they’re not frolicking, they’re likely stripping clean a corpse. Yes, giant tadpoles that strip dead, fallen flesh. Yay! And that’s what they call food that’s dropped from on high, “food-falls.” The snailfish religion probably involves a lot of looking up and praying for a whale to have a heart attack.

It seems innocuous, after all they’re just part of the circle of life, the janitorial part. Of course, I think there is reason to believe that they’d take matters into their own hands, which is why I’m not going down there. Well, that and the crushing hell part.

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Kids! Freak out your parents!

With one of these bad boys: Evil Baphomet Goat Head Ouija Board Satanic Nemesis

Sweet!

Man, why couldn’t Parker Brothers make ‘em like this? That’s just gorgeous. And the name! Good gravy, its enough to cause pause for even the most lapsed Catholic parents. I have half a mind to buy one for my godson.

So, how do Ouija boards work? Evil spirits and the ideomotor effect. Learn more here. And this handy-dandy video, staring the Amazing One:

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Things that won’t kill you in Australian waters: plesiosaurs

This week we’ve introduced the kids to Walking with Dinosaurs, which takes you to a place and time were reptiles were huge and CGI budgets were relatively small. We were two episodes into the the six-part series when the five year-old noted that there only seems to be a handful of different species of dinosaurs around in any given epoch. Generally, each episode features a meat eater, a plant eater, a very big meat eater and a turtle.

Continue Reading Things that won’t kill you in Australian waters:...

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Puppies of Jenkintown: Bo Knows Posing

Is this dog talented or what? A tremendous amount of personality, just by sitting there.

Bo, who we caught along with yesterday’s Sonny, is either trying out to be the next Nipper, or wants to know when Julia is going to take the #&*! picture already.

But, you see, its the ambiguity behind her portrayal that sets her apart from other dogs.

Or, she’s just a dog.

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Puppies of Jenkintown: Sonny at Sunset

I’ve said it before and it bears repeating: parenthood isn’t a title, it is a long term process of applied heartbreak. It is an exquisite, beautiful heartbreak, but it provides a necessary lesson in letting go of nostalgia for the sake of the moment.

I say this — and here’s the relevance to the puppy hunt — the evening “nice walk,” a tradition begun when Julia was about two, used to be a chance for Dad and daughter to hang out a bit after dinner and before bath. Taking puppy pictures sprung from that. Of course, now Benny is of “nice walk” age, and it has really affected how we go about our hunts for the puppies of Jenkintown. Continue Reading Puppies of Jenkintown: Sonny at Sunset

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Kung-fu will get you high

Here’s an imperfect, but very enjoyable Chemical Brothers/Kung-fu Movie remix. Maybe it is the resolution, I’d like to see an HD version.

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Rabid Mexican Chimps

I think I love this Public Collectors blog. Every day Marc Fisher posts a handful of gems, like this:

la rabida

It is from a collection of portraits of rabid animals from a Mexican school lesson sheet

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Why I don’t go in the water, especially during the Late Miocene

You would think this is going to be a scary post about Megalodons a gigantic predatory, be-toothed demon of creature from 20 million years or so ago — the largest shark in history, in fact, about the length of a big tractor trailer (67 feet) — followed by some of my inane prattle about why the ocean frightens me so. And, judging by this picture, you’d probably be right. It’s very name means “big tooth” for criminy’s sake.

The baby teeth are still nothing to sneeze at

But this isn’t that story. No, this is a story about how these gigantic predatory, be-toothed demon creatures loved their babies.

Yes, gentle reader, scientists publishing in the Public Library of Science describe the discovery of Megalodon nurseries (awww!) where hatchling sharks were protected by their enormous mothers until they themselves were big enough to swallow an entire Grateful Dead cover band in one go (including their van, most likely). How sweet.

(via Everyone PLoS ONE’s community blog)

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Puppies of Jenkintown: Maggie

This is how you want your yellow labs: big and goofy. Even female yellow labs lack the dignity common to even the silliest of breeds, Chihuahua included. They are why cats look down on us.

They want to lick your face more than anything in the world. Your face is like candy to them.

Still, Maggie managed to hold still for a good 30 seconds, which I believe broke they all-time yellow lab “sit” record once held by Prince Bob of Des Moines, Iowa who, upon later examination may have been part basset or was, quite possibly, dead.

Nice shot Julia.

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Puppies of Jenkintown, lollypop bribe edition

Sometimes the secret to puppy hunting in Jenkintown boils down to two things: luck and bait. Well, not so much bait as bribe. In order to get this family stop their evening walk, we provided Dum Dums.

We were headed out the door, lollypops dangling from our lips, as Jake and his family passed. I felt bad not offering them a treat, so I told them to wait, ran back inside Stinkbug Manor, through the kitchen and out the side door in case Benny (who gets into the picture, as you can see) decided to bolt down the shared drive for the neighbors pond.

They fished their wish from the bag of Dum Dums — one chose butterscotch, on purpose! — and posed Jake for the shot.

(No, this isn’t some sort of extreme facepainting, I pawed out the girl’s face, just in case her mother isn’t as reckless as I am in plastering my kids’ gobs all over the Internet.)

Jake (seated on the driveway in the picture to the right) is some sort of pit bull mix thingamabob. I don’t know for sure if I bothered to ask. I was just grateful to get the shot…and to dispose of some of these godforesaken butterscotch Dum Dums.

Seriously, man, every the kids reach into the big bag of Dum Dums (Dum Dums: a sack of stupidity!) that the missus bought for no defensible reason, they pull out some flavor like Butterscotch or Banana Rumpus or, worse, a mystery flavor, which is usually Butterscotch. Now, I don’t mind the occasional butterscotch hard candy, as I’m old, but few kids enjoy candy that actively rejects the concept of “sweet.” Still, I let the kids pick their own. I’m their father, so they should get used to disappointment. Here’s a freebie for Spangler Candy, a new tagline: “There’s a heaping dose of reality in every handful!”

Then again, I enjoy the stick. I don’t know about you, but lollypops with plastic sticks just aren’t the same. You get Dum Dums for the candy, but you stay for the lingering oral fixation and the fine gnawing sensation you can only get from tightly-wrapped paper.

Photo courtesy of Julia Rose Lester.

Look, the more tag, as if enough hasn’t been said already! Continue Reading Puppies of Jenkintown, lollypop bribe edition

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