Why I don’t go into the water…Reason 1,769: Giant wood lice feast on your corpse

As your waterlogged corpse settles on the ocean floor, giant isopods, crabs and eels pick it clean in an orgy of dissection and feasting.

There is no Davy Jone’s Locker waiting for you on the bottom, dear mariner. (Not even a Peter Tork’s Wastebasket.)

Just the horror…the horror…

Don’t go in the water. Things in there want you to die.

Specifically, these things. They’re just hanging out, waiting for you.